Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dream: what does it all mean?

Please help me. I know how many of you are reading these entries, I even know where you're from. I have this "problem" and I really need some collective anonymous advice.

I have this dream that I dream periodically. Sometimes I'll have it once a month, other times I'll have it even more often than that. This week I've had it three times already. Last night was even more intense than usual.

I've had this dream, on and off, for the last twenty years.

I've always read that a recurring dream is an unsolved problem and once you get rid of the problem you stop having the dream.

For simplicity I'll give you the dream I had last night.

The Dream:
I'm in Italy. I'm the age that I am (45). I don't have children. I do have Piero. I decide that nothing has really happened for me here in Italy professional-wise and so it's time for me to go. I have to go back to the States and start over again. Much of the dream is centered around planning what job I'll have, where I'll live, whether I'll go back to school. I always start out with zero money so I have to get like a quick waitressing job first in order to get back on my feet and have some cash. I'll send for Piero later when I have some money. I'm sad that I wasn't able to make anything out of myself in Italy. Really sad. But then I realize I have another 20 years to be able to do something with myself in the States and I get excited.

End of dream

Through the years the dream morphs. Sometimes I have one child or both of my children. Sometimes none. Sometimes no husband, or sometimes he'll come "later". Many times I'm going back to school to be re-educated, other times I spend all the time looking for an apartment to live in, in San Francisco.
There is always a huge sadness at leaving Italy and not doing something with myself there. It not happening or my not having done anything. I'm always really excited about the new prospects, the new life, though still sad to leave the rest behind.
When I wake up there is always a huge relief. Or is there?

What do I have that is unresolved?
Is there something in this dream that I'm not seeing or don't want to see?

If you need any pieces to the puzzle to help me out I'll be glad to answer any questions.


dg/shauna said...

crikey... it's a tricky one. is there anything unresolved that you've not wanted to think about for a long time?

20 years of having variations on the same dream must be some sort of record :)

Julia said...

Who knows? I mean I think we all have unsolved issues...Yep, 20 years is a long time. HELP!

nancytoby said...

Oh my, the prospect of waitressing again would have me in tears!

I can't help you. My recurring dreams usually deal with not being prepared for an exam.

anji said...

Interesting! Are you speaking Italian or english in the dream?? (haha, i've asked you that before)....

Let's see... when you went to Italy, were you leaving something behind? Escaping? Did you think you'd stay there as long as you did when you left? Was staying in Italy unexpected? (I don't remember you saying if you *planned* on staying as long as you have, or if it was planned...)

When you first left the states, was it just for short term? Maybe you still have the "I'm going to Italy for short-term" mentality but - you're still there? Maybe you psyche is confused?? :D

Is there something in your life, education-wise that feels "unfinished" or that you had wanted to do but never did?

Gimme a call on skype this weekend if you like, I'm gone for Saturday but - Sunday and Monday I'm here (it's a holiday on Monday)... will keep it on and await your call...


deege said...

I wonder whether you just subconsciously don't trust the situation you are in, or perhaps are not prepared to allow yourself to relax and be happy.

I have something similar sometimes, not as a dream so much as a recurring mental exercise. That is, I imagine that some major thing in my life changes, I lose someone or I have to move country or start from scratch in my career. And I plan thoroughly how I would go about it.

For me, I think it is just me trying to reassure myself that I can cope if things change, probably because I am scared that if I am not planned for every eventuality then I will get taken by surprise and put into that stressful time of transition when I can't control.

I compulsively run through contingency plans with things that I am organising in real life so I think that sometimes I find it sub-consciously reassuring to have a contingency plan for life itself.

Anonymous said...

The fear of leaving things behind may not be the worst one, but for sure is the one more able to destroy our present – I mean making you unable to live it full force! The ability to live the present is probably the life itself, anyway, but a recurrent dream tie us to the past just because we want it, I think. In the end, it's always us: it can be scary to think we're not so different from 20 years ago, but it's always scary when you're TRULY in touch with youself, isn't it! hugs! Rusty

Julia said...

I'll be writing an entry soon on this. There's definately some truths it what you've all suggested: a past problem...