Sunday, June 29, 2008

One week vacation down south

Tomorrow we're leaving for a week down south where I plan to
- Swim every day in the sea
- Eat my weight in watermelon
- Write, write, write (books, articles)
- Spend some one on one time with my Honey
- Run, if heat permits (it's been 100° every day here for the last ten days and running has been really ugly)
- Try and find some peace with myself, something that has eluded me lately...

Inexplicable date

I've been cleaning my studio space up a bit this week, rearranging books and shifting dust from one bookshelf to the next. I took down this wood box where I have all my old letters in and set in on the couch. Later that evening Olly was sitting on the couch talking to me and she started to finger through the letters. She asked if she could look at them. I said sure, just a part of my past - I'm not jealous of them if I'm there. It was interesting that she didn't want to read the Italian letters, only the ones written in english. As if the Italian was too real for her while the english was part of some sort of life I'd once had. She wanted to know about the gay best friend I lived with for a year and the boyfriend that I had for so many years that succumbed to ALS in his early thirties and also my little brother who used to write me a letter once in awhile. Very short, very sweet.

"How come these people used to write to you?"

"Because, Honey, when I was younger the internet didn't exist, as well as cell phones with sms messaging. We would sit down with a pen and paper and write a letter and then the other person on the other end would wait anxiously for the postman to deliver it." She laughed at that.

The world has changed, for the better and for the worse.

So yesterday I was listening to some music I had downloaded and inexplicably started crying for like fifteen minutes. All I could think about was my brother and how much I missed him. I re-read his letters and thought about how I used to read them all the time and that in actuality the pain of his not being here has lifted ten fold during these years. It used to seem unbearable. Now I just get really sad.

This morning P and I went and had a cappuccino together at the local bar while we read the paper. I looked at today's date: 29 june 2008.

A ha.

Yesterday was the anniversary of his death. I didn't even remember that, but maybe that why I was somehow drawn to the letters and the box and the tears. I feel better now, as if I needed to do that. I'm glad I remembered in some way.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

No news is good news

I turned the television off for today. I usually like to clean the house or iron while I watch some trashy show that's not worth sitting down to. Lately I've been questioning how much garbage gets syphoned through my head. Especially the news. Triple that for Italian political news. Lately they've been covering Vatican ties with the mafia, including kidnapping agreements and bodies being buried with illegally within church walls. Then there's the President who owns three television channels and asks political favors in exchange for putting girlfriends and wives into soap opera roles. It just all makes my stomach turn and look in total horror at this society I've chosen to live in. I'm sure it's better and worse around the globe, but right now all I want to do is hike into the Sierra Nevada mountains for a month and cleanse myself from all this b******t.

So I'm turning my tube off today. I'm writing and doing some work on articles that are due next week and then Ev and I have Yoga at six o'clock and P is coming day is full!

Friday, June 27, 2008

School's out!

Today is Ev's last day of day care, he starts again in mid september when he enters into the "5 year old" class. He's really excited about that, big boy at the school and all. Olly is taking a remedial class for geometric design. She has to re-take a test in september before being promoted to the sophomore level so she'll be on pins and needles for the whole summer not knowing which class she's in.
I know this is turning more into an update diary about what we're doing, but I just can't do better than this right now. I have my projects to clean up by the end of July, and then I start anew. By some sort of stroke of Attraction a women I had worked with on my Running Clinics for Women wrote me an email that she's interested in producing a DVD for next year and it looks like she's willing to do most of the work. Sometimes I feel like I get things handed to me on a silver platter...I DO appreciate it and I DO know when it's happening. To get ourselves creatively motivated on the project I've decided to go to La Parisienne in september. It's a weekend of women's running with a huge expo and 6,5km race. Last year they had 13,500 women which is HUGE for Europe. I'm sure I'll get a lot of great ideas there, if anything, I'll absorb all that great female energy!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Patience, mostly with myself

I've been having a lot of problems lately with concentration. My mind weaves back and forth from one activity to the next and I can't seem to find the focus to finish anything unless I totally and completly put all my energy directly into it...which seems like nothing at the moment. It seems like I get interrupted every three seconds by one of the kids...or it's time to fix the next meal or do something like, I don' t know, sleep. I don't know what to do about me, myself and I. I've tried every trick in the planet except totally seclude myself which at this moment in life I just can't do.

Have I always been like this? I think so, it's just gotten worse lately. Sigh.

I'm working it out even by just writing here for a few minutes.

You're probably all dying to know what I've been doing in the last month. Let's see...

1- My mother-in-law came to stay with us for 2 months. I survived.

2- I "raced" another sprint triathlon. Totally cool, in the south of Italy on the Ionian Sea. During the swim I could see sand and shells and fish. I won my age group in 1h25'03". I was the only one in my age group to show up. (don't tell...)

3- Evan's been sick three times with subsequent weeks of staying at home from day care.

4- I'm getting my running up to a decent pace and should be ready by mid july to officially start my marathon training for NYCM.

5- I didn't get depressed about the whole entry topic situation, just still trying to figure out the solution. This is a pretty major accomplishment for myself. Go me!